Dead
by sendingseeliescouts
Summary: He wasn't there. He should have been there. He should have protected her.
1. Chapter 1

_**Warning:**_ _I know Alec is a gay character. But he is just that, a character. Keep that in mind. Please, also note that english is not my first language. I am sorry if there are any mistakes, please feel free to point them out to me I won't be offended. All credit goes to the creators._

 _ **Links**_ _: You can find me on Tumblr, sendingseeliescouts_

* * *

It has been two years. Two years since he lost her in a car crash. God, there were demons everywhere and she had to die in a car crash. A fucking car crash. She is dead. Immediate death, they said. She didn't suffer, they said. He knew she did. Maybe not physically, but she probably felt like she was gonna die. And she probably called for him. But he wasn't there. He wasn't there. She died alone. Went through the windscreen and ended up dead on the sidewalk. He wasn't there. He should have been there. He should have protected her. He should have used his body as a shield. She was dead. He wasn't there. She was all alone. She was scared. And he wasn't there.

"You're off for the day, honey. You can-" Maryse stops, a lump forming in her throat. "You can spend the day with her. Maybe Jace and Isabelle can go with you, if you wish?"

"No. I-" he pauses, wiping his tears away. "I need to do something. I can't-" tears running down again.

"Honey" Maryse speaks quietly, approaching her son. "I wish I could take the pain away. I'm sorry. I am so sorry, my little boy."

Alec doesn't resist as she pulls him to her laps, caressing his hair. "It will stop hurting, eventually." His jaw clenches, trying to prevent a scream. He felt like screaming. He was so angry. He just couldn't stop the anger from growing. He was angry at the world. He was angry at himself. He was angry at her. She left him. She promised she wouldn't. She promised they were forever. "I want her back. When is he coming back, mom" he cried. Maryse closed her eyes, tears flooding her cheeks. Alec had always been strong. The strongest out of her children. But losing her dropped him to his knees. She watched, helpless, as guilt and sorrow consumed her son. As life was sucked out of him. She knew he was trying, but he just couldn't make it.

He barely sleeps, haunted by her smile every time he closes his eyes. And when he is too tired to resist, he collapses on the couch. He can't sleep in their bed. Not without her. He misses her hair tickling his nose. Her cold feet against his legs. Her body against his. Her groaning every time the alarm clock went off. He misses tripping over her heels. Complaining about her make up spread all over the bathroom counters. Searching for his shirt only to find out she is wearing it. How his shirt would lift up, revealing her underwear, as she ties her hair up.

"How about you try and get some sleep? I can stay with you, caress your hair until you fall asleep. You loved that when you were a kid" Maryse suggested.

"She used to do that. When I was stressed, she'd caress my hair for hours."

"I wish there was something I could do Alec. I just-" she's closes her eyes. "I feel so powerless."

"I'm sorry. I'll try harder mom, I promise" Alec straightens up. "I'll try harder."

"No. Take your time, honey. I know how much you loved her. And I am so sorry" her voices cracks. "I'm sorry I was so harsh on you two. I should have supported you. She was an amazing person, she was just…"

"A mundane" he finishes.

"She was so strong. So sweet and she loved you so much. God, she was so in love with you."

Jace and Isabelle enter the room. "There's some stuff going on at the Pandemonium. You wanna come?" Isabelle suggests, her voice quiet. Alec shakes his head no. "Alright, call if you need anything. Anything" she points out. Alec nods.

* * *

"This place is crowded" Jace says, trying to make his way into the club. "They must be at the back."

He stops in his track as Izzy puts a hand on his arm. "Jace" she says on a frightened tone, her eyes wide as she stares in front of her. "What?" he panics. That's when he sees her. Her hair floating around her face, wide smile and drink in hand. Flirting with a demon. "It can't-" his voice dies as he spots her tattoo. _An arrow_ on her wrist. An arrow for Alec, the archer. "How?" He takes a look at Izzy. "Shapeshifter?" Jace furrows his brows. Why. She was a mundane. Alec did his best to keep her hidden from the supernatural world. Only a handful of people knew about her. "I'll check" is all he says before moving forward, trying to look confident. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to kill that motherfucker for doing something so cruel. She was dead. A part of his _parabatai_ died that night, killing a part of _him_ in the process.

"How did you know her?" he speaks, his voice harsh.

"Excuse me?" she responds, taken aback by his tone.

"Rose come on!" one of her friends calls out.

She turns on her heels, joining the party. The blonde is stunned. Rose. He goes back to Isabelle, the mission long forgotten. "We'll wait until it leaves. Whatever it is, we need to get ride of it. If Alec sees it, he's gonna-" He doesn't finish that sentence.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Warning:**_ _I know Alec is a gay character. But he is just that, a character. Keep that in mind. Please, also note that english is not my first language. I am sorry if there are any mistakes, please feel free to point them out to me I won't be offended. All credit goes to the creators._

 _ **Links**_ _: You can find me on Tumblr, sendingseeliescouts_

* * *

As the sun starts to rise, the Pandemonium starts to empty. Mundanes flood the streets, most of them too drunk to walk a straight line, bending over to throw up while their friends take their phones out, snapping a shot for the Internet. Jace and Isabelle are alert, waiting for Rose to show up. When she does, they follow her. Invisible rune in action, they enter the uber she's about to get in while she's busy kissing her friends goodbye. She can't see them, she doesn't feel them, as she talks to the driver.

Jace is first to notice. The way she talks, the way she laughs, the way she uses her hands to punctuate things for no reason. _'A ridiculous habit she got from Alec'_ he thinks to himself. Isabelle notices how she pulls her dress down, the color of her nails and the necklace around her neck. Alec gave it to her on their first anniversary. She never took it off.

The driver gets out of the car to open her door. As she searches her bag for her wallet, the two shadowhunters sneak out. They wait for her by the building door.

"You again? What are you doing here! I'm calling the cops!" Rose states, dialing her phone.

"Please don't!" Isabelle intervenes. "We just want to talk. You know us."

"I'm pretty sure I don't."

"Look I-" he stops mid-sentence. How is he suppose to explain this. "The tattoo on your wrist, and the necklace, what do they stand for?" he says instead.

"That is none of your business" she says, opening the door of the building.

"Alec."

She turns around, furrowing her brows. "Do you know Alec?" Her voice is quiet but her eyes full of hope. Jace and Isabelle turn to each other, confused. "You remember him?" asks the brunette. She nods, bringing one of her hands to her neck, caressing the little diamond heart. "I've been looking for him but I can't find him. The police thinks he is bad, I hope he is somewhere safe. Is he safe?" Now she sounds scared. Jace opens his mouth but no sound comes out. "Let's talk upstairs, shall we?"

* * *

"How come your remember Alec but not us?" Isabelle speaks first, taking a sit on the couch.

"This is going to sound insane but I-" she collects her thoughts. "I woke up in Germany, two years ago. The first weeks I couldn't remember a thing. But I had these dreams of a tall dark and handsome man. And I- I was in love with him. I thought I was going insane. I wasn't able to tell if he was a dream or a memory. But then I started to remember. I remembered him. Nothing else but him."

"In Germany?" Jace asks in shock.

"They said I went missing for a few weeks and that they found me roaming the streets in Berlin wearing nothing but a nightgown. The police took me to the hospital, I was diagnosed with a loss of memory for no apparent reason since I had no injuries. I was cleared and sent back home after three days. My parents took me to Italy, where my grand-parents live, they said I needed calm in order to recover. As time went by, the dreams were more… real. I felt alive while I was sleeping. I questioned my parents about Alec, and some of my closest friends. No one had ever heard about him. My parents got worried after I tried to escape and get on a plane to New York. I knew he was there, I wanted to get to him before the cops. Because my parents told the cops about him, they thought he was the one who hurt me and I'd developed Stockholm syndrome."

"But they got to you before you got on the plane" Isabelle whispers.

"Yes" Rose nods. "They told me they had searched the records, even asked the NYPD to, they came empty handed. My parents hired a private investigator but he found nothing. Alec didn't exist. Or he gave me a fake name. But I knew they were wrong. I got locked up in psychiatry, everyone thought I was going insane. At first I tried to explain everything to my psychiatrist, but he wouldn't listen. He kept saying that it was all in my head and that I had probably suffered a terrible shock. I cried a lot, praying for Alec to find me. Praying for anyone to find me, to believe me and to get me out of there. But one day I just stopped. I stopped mentioning Alec, I choked down pill after pill, gave the right answers to their questions, and they let me go. They kept me there for six months. After that I enrolled into business school in London, I needed something that would allow me to travel abroad. I'm doing an internship here, in New York. I spend most of my time looking for Alec. That's why I was at the Pandemonium tonight, Alec told me about it. But he wasn't there."

Jace gets up from the couch, passing his hands through his hair trying to register what he just heard, torn apart between calling Alec or keeping him out of the loop for the time being. If this turned out to be a morbid joke, his brother would never recover. He already lost her once, it destroyed him, if he lost her twice it would kill him. No doubt.

"You can't find him" Jace speaks. "Not because he doesn't want to see you, trust me he'd give everything for a minute with you. He's just- Do you recall Alec having some tattoos?"

"Yes. They made no sense, I guess he just has terrible taste when it comes to tattoos" she mocks.

"It's a bit more complicated then that" he says, taking his stele out of his pocket, activating the rune that reveals his runes.

* * *

Left. Right. Left. Right. The punching bag went flying across the room, Alec's anger getting the best of it. He didn't get any sleep. He couldn't. He was sweating, hair stuck to his forehead. Everything hurt, bleeding knuckles, tired legs. He could barely stand. But he couldn't stop, the pain in his chest too hard to handle. His siblings were no where to be found, he was getting worried. He dialed his sister's number, praying she'd pick up. He couldn't help getting worried. Not after losing her.

* * *

Jace and Isabelle spend hours explaining to her the supernatural world, how she died, how they thought she was dead. Now that Isabelle thinks about it, no one never got to see her corpse. They said she got incinerated, that it was her parents choice. Since she was a mundane and her mundane entourage wasn't aware of the shadowhunters existence, not even Alec's, it made sense that they didn't attend her funerals. But apparently there was no funerals to attend, no corpse to cremate, and no decision from her parents since they never heard of her death. And how come she remembers all about Alec but nothing about them. Nothing about the supernatural world. Isabelle's head was about to explode when her phone rang. _Alec._

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asks, closing the balcony door behind her.

"Where are you?" he answers, dismissing her question.

"Jace and I are getting some food, the mission lasted longer than expected. I'm sorry, I should have called you."

"It's ok. Well, I'll be in the training room, meet me there when you get here?"

"Sure, we won't take long."

She feels terrible hiding everything from him. But they can't throw Rose to him and except him to just deal with it.

"We need to get going" Isabelle says as she enters the living room. "Alec is getting suspicious."

"Can I come?" Rose asks with hope.

"We need you to take some test before you can see him" Jace says. "I know you want to, but we have to make sure that this whole situation is not a demoniac plan. He won't be able to deal with you dying on him again."

"I understand" she mumbles, disappointed. "What's the test?"

"I don't know yet, I need to find a way to prove that you have no demon blood. That you are indeed a non-dead mundane that somehow managed to cross an ocean only to end up wandering in Berlin's streets half naked and absent minded."

"When you put it like that…"


End file.
